There was a woman who had a coffee date with someone whom she thought she knew well. (Hmmm…. Is that an opinion?) After polite greetings to one another and seating themselves, the conversation began. It wasn’t long before her friend’s finger was in her face, as her friend told her what she ought to believe and what she should think. The woman was surprised to say the least. (Like I said, she thought she knew her friend.) The woman’s reply was, “I’m not sure how I feel about your finger in my face”, to which Mrs. Finger Pointer excused herself from the table of politeness, and made a joke of said friend’s comment by sticking all of her fingers in her face and letting said friend know that pointing at people was just what she does (whether a public place or private); and, basically that anyone who know’s her should simply get over it. Whether this was F.P.’s true intent (that all should accept her actions) remains a mystery; it was not joy she had communicated that day.
I am still to this minute hoping that Mrs. Finger Pointer was perhaps embarrassed at having her finger in the face of a friend in order to strengthen the point she was trying to make. But that said, her finger pointing habit led to hearing a great many of her political opinions as well as her thoughts on faith and the Bible… Mrs. FP’s opinions are THE one and only way to think (Do you know anyone like this?) . Opinions are perhaps very dangerous; but let’s go a little further.
Question : Should our words and actions, that accompany our words, be carefully chosen? And let’s be clear… Should church and state be discussed within the same coffee date? Hmmm… Maybe Satan would want that to happen but not me.
What is an opinion anyway? According to Webster’s Dictionary, it means a belief stronger than impression and based on little to no fact; JUDGEMENT. (And yes, the last word was in all capital letters.) I am not a person to have an opinion on everything. Yours truly is interested in many things; and I do question first, more than not. So today after viewing the coffee scene, I’m questioning how one can better traverse beyond other peoples’ opinions without offending or losing ground in respected relationships. It’s possibly a Utopian desire, but humor me. Here’s what I wish could happen.
First we would question what we hear instead of immediately having an opinion. That means, don’t talk… This requires that we Think! Prep ourselves with formulated questions… Further, it would mean that we have to listen, then think, and finally question. This would be first in my Land of Perfect. One’s question[s] are formed (no, don’t talk yet!) through listening and careful thought. In addition, do background research. This would require us to open up and read … Perhaps even take some notes. (And no, not just the Internet or the TV, which can be great liars… Check everything.) Then, we listen to that knowledge/written thought/facts that we hear or read with an open mind… (And, no. We’re not going to talk yet, but that’s coming so be ready). Third, construct a hypothesis (which to be clear is not an opinion). And fourth, we would test the hypothesis by an experiment. With consideration to the testing procedure, the final step is to trouble shoot (no, lips still sealed) and carefully check all steps and set-up of the experiment; if the procedure does test well and data is correct communicate the results for the benefit of all… And yes, talk but simply report findings. (that means that the hypothesis is accurate, and yes , speak!… At last!) Do you think that this would remove the emotional issue? Do you think that this would help everyone to become more educated, more understanding?
The emotional junk that spews forth at times is truly regrettable. Further, our Age of Information can at times make for more pain than aid when an emotional additive is in the mix ; add to that, one reading what one likes or what makes us comfortable, instead of what is true and we have a mixture of failure to communicate. Fiction then becomes more believable so that personal comfort can continue uninterrupted. Progress ceases for the instant gratification of the ego.
This emotional thought bilks us of our integrity as we ourselves become sure that we know everything without doing any true research. In our vulnerable status, we take a step back from what is good and true. As some intellectuals are saying, I also say “Put down the phone, tone down the media, find peace in work as well as conversation”. May this lead us to listening and doing research before we form an opinion. Factual solution before opinion, if we have to form one.
Peace in your lives, friends. May it go well with you.
Best…
Carolyn Thomas Temple