It had been a beautiful Monday with many things accomplished, lots of love in the air… Then at 4:30 in the afternoon our son, Creative Artist, Nathan Temple,  suffered a massive cardiac arrest.  He was rushed to the hospital from our home and at 8:35 Hubby and I were told that Nathan had passed away.  BAM!  Good day goes south, turns left instead of right, the path heads down instead of up.

Through out this week we have tried to wrap our heads around how such a young man died like this.  BAM!  We go through the motions of death certificate, burial plans, memorial service… BAM BAM BAM!  Your gut feels like a miss mash of nothing recognizable; eating is impossible… Nothing has taste, everything you see has a confused meaning… It’s like you’re living with no arms, no legs, and no mind.  (Did I make that decision?  I can’t remember.  Did I make that decision?  I don’t know, so steps are retrace  as one painful jab after another makes movement almost impossible.)

And yet, we DO go forward because we know that others are praying for us to be held up by God’s holy angels, by Christ Himself.  We cry our eyes out and drink more water than we ever thought we would.  WE DO GO FORWARD.

Losing a loved one is building spiritual muscle.  It hurts like heck but makes us strong.  I’ve always listened to music when I body build; lots of people do.  Going forward is a lot like body building for the soul… We’re building spiritual muscle.  And the exercise is not a treadmill but allowing ourselves to cry, to think through the decisions, to lean on others who love you and want to help.  (Let them help.) And, it is important to embrace the love that is poured out from others who love you.  These are the calisthenics of the soul.  Go forward! It will be baby steps, but that is the direction, because no loved one that ever passed away from this life, wants you or me to stop living our lives.  I will say it again.  GO FORWARD.  LIVE.

I have buried a lot of family members… Grandparents, a cousin and cousin-in-law, my brother, aunts and uncles,  my parents… They died young, they died old, and they’ve been dying since I was ten years old.  They were all close to me.  And now, this:  A child going to God before the parents… Well, this is the toughest exercise I’ve ever done in my life!  Many who read this can only understand what I’ve said because they’ve buried a child as well.  The pain is undeniable hell.  YET, I am a woman who loves God, does His work, leads only through Him… So if Satan thinks he can have a hay-day at our expense, go home!  In the name of Jesus, love does not invite you here!

I am beyond broken hearted to be doing this; but I am ready.  I know how to go forward, I know how to lean into it through my faith.  So in closing I will say, “Na, honey, Go with God and know that through my pain and looking up, you will always walk in my soul.”

May your day be light, and your grace be visible…

 

Best…

Carolyn Thomas Temple

p.s.  I will try to get back to posting regularly… Please come and see if I’ve been here, have patience with me, and know that if I didn’t post I’m doing those spiritual exercises and will be back soon.