What is a friend today? I’ve heard it said that a friend is a comfort and cheerful. It’s someone with whom one has a lot in common.
In addition, they are frequently persons who are attached and affectionate. And, they hold each other in high esteem.
We have heard the motto, “Friends forever” and the phrase, “Friends don’t let friends drive drunk” But best friends. What are they? Here it is ala CTTemple
It was a warm Saturday morning and Tommy and I were sitting outside on the sidewalk together. I was maybe five years old at the time and he was seven. We had been talking about the game we had been playing, and we were laughing away. All of a sudden something happened to the both of us at the same time… We were “in sync” as my sons like to say. And Tom said, let’s stay together for the rest of our lives. When we grow up, let’s get married.”
Yes, this was huge… my first ever marriage proposal and from someone I adored. So of course I said, “Okay!”
And then, he suggested that he should take me to the moon after we were married… we could fly there together. (He then explained to me that he believed that’s where all men who married took their brides for a trip… ergo the word, “honeymoon.” Yeah, I know, but we were kids!)
We got up and ran into the kitchen where our mother was working. Tom announced that “We’ve decided to get married when we grow up! Whatda ya think of that!”
We didn’t even get to the good part about the trip to the moon when Mom dropped the bomb that it was against the law for a sister and a brother to be married. Man, she didn’t even look up! She just said it! Well, we were crushed.
We went back outside and sat down again to think it over, and to get over the disappointment. I looked over at Tom, and he had that look on his face… the one that says, this won’t do and I’m havin’ what I want. And then he said, “Sis, here’s what we’ll do. We make a pact. You don’t marry anyone I don’t like, and I won’t marry anyone you don’t like. We’ll live close to each other, and watch our families grow together. How ’bout that?”
I said, “Okay.” It was my first ever proposal and my first ever pact. Heck,we even spit on it! The dream was born.
In time, we began having different interests and going different directions. We developed along our own gene pattern; yet we could always walk right back into the family room at home and start talking in half sentences… answering each other’s thoughts before a sentence was complete. It drove people crazy when we did it. We didn’t care. We became proud of our differences and supportive of each other according to what the other one needed. And, the differences between us continued to grow, along with our love and respect for one another.
I recall taking a particular walk with him. I was just going into high school and Tom was going to be a junior. Tom stopped me about half a block from home and said, “When you get to high school, you’re going to find that lots of brothers and sisters don’t hang out like we do. They don’t even like each other.” (I have no idea to whom he was referring.) You and I need to remember that this doesn’t include us. Let’s stay tight like always. If you do different things than me, that’s okay. But when we come home? When we’re together? Pact! We stick together.”
And again I said, “Okay.”
Tommy went into the navy while I was in college. We wrote letters to each other when he was deployed. Mine were regular sized stationery of maybe five or six pages. His were legal pad and twelve pages or more. We often said the same thing to each other… I was a person of few words and he wrote in examples and superlatives. Always they ended the same… “I love you, Tommy… Be safe.” “I love you Sis…Take care.”
So where is this going? I know a few things about being a friend because my brother and I practiced it, learned it at one another’s sides, and from each other’s hearts for the first 23 years of my life.
I know that:
Best friends don’t always please you.
Friends don’t live every minute by your side, but they don’t forget you either. Friends make sure you know that you are loved… and this they think through and do carefully so that you surly understand.
They love you for who you are and in spite of your mistakes.
They learn what makes you tick and what tics you off!
They help when asked to help and sometimes they help without being asked just to protect you.
They cry with you, and laugh with you.
They help you up when you are feeling broken.
They give you room when you need to be alone but they do not let go of you.
They pray for you if you need prayer; they take you out when you need air. (Oh, that rhymes! Happy accident. Ignore it.)
They listen to what you have to say into the night
or all the day if need be.
And yes, they make plans that include you, even if it’s only a letter written and mailed from far away.
Friends are not “let’s do lunch,” and then don’t go.
Yes… Friends keep their word to each other at any cost.
Friends also apologize to each other when the situation calls for it, and forget to remember the pain that you may have inflicted upon them.
All of these things were what made Tommy and me happy together. We were bonded. And then he left. He left, but left me with this ability to love many many people! So I don’t feel that he’s really gone.
I am a practiced friend. I have continued to love others without him. I enjoy it. So tonight. I’ll be your friend, if you are mine. Pact!
And you say, “Okay.”
Best in friendship…
Carolyn Thomas Temple