Seems like with our freedom of speech in this beautiful country, everyone always has something to say. And, I don’t eliminate myself from that… because here I am, yes? It seems that speaking is a little bit like a See-Saw (you know, that thing that children play on that goes up and down). Some days you do more talking and other days, it’s time to talk less and listen more. And, these listening days? … They can be great opportunities.
First opportunity: I stepped into the bank, and the bank manager came over to visit. (We’re good friends.” I’m eating an apple. He’s eating… I couldn’t tell what. He started up a conversation… “Hey, look at the two of us… both eating in the middle of the day at the bank.”
I think, “Well, yes.” I smiled as I took another bit of my crunchy juicy apple. He popped some more of that whatever-it-was into his mouth.
Then he observed that mine was healthy food and his was sugar (junk food), which began an entire litany of the woes of eating junk food and how bad this was compared to my healthy apple. I listened to this for a while, and thought to myself that this man needed to know that “it’s all good.” It was my turn to speak… my turn to help him have a high moment on the See-Saw. So I said, “Ya know… It’s really all good… I’m eating this healthy stuff during the week so I can drink on the weekend!” He laughed. End of listening. End of conversation.
Second time to listen: A woman in probably her nineties, in a wheel chair, and pretty much blind is a part of my Wednesday night class. I knew from care giving my mother, that persons frequently do not take time to listen to the words of senior citizens. So I’ve been making it a habit to take time to visit with her. (She’s really very interesting and has had
Tonight this lovely woman chose to share with me a bit more than usual. She began to talk about her father and what he taught her from his life in Sweden. He said that one winter was particularly bitter. Even the cows froze to death in the barn. His own brother went out to journey somewhere not far from home, and froze to death that year. Food was scarce. Many who did not die from the cold air, died from hunger. She told me that her father taught her food should never be wasted. “Never be ashamed of asking to take food home if it’s about to be thrown out.” She, in turn, taught this same lesson to her daughters, and they have on several occasions made sure that this advice is well followed.
Her words drew me to my own pattern of living, and I wondered if I were as frugal as this woman and her two daughters. The answer would be “No.” So there is nothing to do but say “thanks” and change a bad habit to something better. (I learn so much from seniors when I am still and they do the talking.)
Third time to listen: I had finished my responsibilities and was waiting for another class to finish so I could help lock up the building and close to go home. A certain woman regularly comes in from another class and waits with me. She is a gifted conversationalist. But tonight my heart said, “Say little. Let her talk.”
She began to tell me of the things she longed to have again and the things that burdened her. I just sat there and didn’t say much… at one point I took her hand. We became sisters in the quiet of the hall. We didn’t solve any problems. We didn’t do anything dramatic. We just “were” … through love as new friends do.
I was able to listen because someone listened to me. I had talked via cell phone to someone just a few hours before this… and I did the talking while a friend listened to me. I didn’t get the hand-holding or the eye contact but I had a soothing voice on the other end of the line…someone who made me feel better. Being able to talk and having someone’s soothing voice there to respond… not tell me how to live but to be there for me and with me made a long day tolerable, even comfortable. See-Saw. First me, then you. Or you first and then me. Listening. Being there. Comforting another just by shutting your own mouth and letting things unfold from another person’s life. We are good for each other.
May you be blessed with ears that are attached to the heart.
Best… Carolyn Thomas Templew