With glass in hand, I have watched many a blazing sun drop into the western horizon. Sip and look. Sip and think. Sip and gaze, ponder, and observe. Sip and remember. I go back in time and bring exceptional moments into the swirl of wine and a vivid ball of fire as it seemingly drops into nothingness. Wine stimulates all kinds of thought and memory. Coupled with the beauty of creation, these thoughts deepen and clarity is found.
This evening, I am remembering the life of a loved one, a woman who has endured, and given a great deal to others. As a child she was an exceptional friend to me, to all. As an adult, her great love of God, family and flowers has brought enchantment, and an outstanding example to everyone. This joyful lady has loved God and honored Him. She has cherished deeply family and the human race; and when trouble has bounded and dredged her life, she has lived out her agony peacefully growing beautiful flowers in an exceptional garden. What is amazing is that she doesn’t even know how we view her. C.S. Lewis would say that my friend is filled with humility.
This deeply loved woman has spent the last several years being the caregiver for her mother. When her father passed away and her mother was alone and far from family, my friend and her husband moved to a new home, and built on that property a casita where her mother came to spend the last years of her life. All of this done and in place, tragedy struck her across the face. My friend’s husband died during this care giving period. While it grieved her to the core of her being, this compassionate woman endured as she continued to give her mother the love and care that was needed.
*Meals prepared and served three times a day
*A day nurse
*Numerous medical appointments
*Taking her mother’s blood pressure every morning and evening
*Preparation and administering of medications morning, noon, and night
*Bandaging many wounds when her mother fell and tore her skin
*Numerous trips to the ER
If you have ever cared for an elderly dying person, you know that this list is endless. And just as others have done, she endured for love of her mother, in spite of her own loss. When I have been with her during this time, one did not see agony or hear the wailing of a sad soul; one saw a smiling compassionate lady serving her mother, and then lilting gracefully through peaceful beauty in the garden that she tended.
Recently her mother passed to the arms of God. I know of this difficult movement as I too have watched a mother leave. Dying to this life is very much like giving birth. The person dying has only the experience of living in a physical body, so unless they die instantly (which I am told by experts very few do) that person will labor to learn to leave this life. Just as our mothers labored to give birth to us, her mother labored a second time, to birth her own soul from her dying body.
It can be painful to observe this time of labor. You and I are healthy. At the core of ourselves, we can’t understand what we see because we do not want them to go! We love them! We long for them! But God has written a code in that loved one. The message is the dying body, and there is no turning back. We have no choice but to let go.
We see that beautiful woman who gave us life lying there and leaving by inches. The body is shutting down and the soul is growing in the power of God. All good enriches itself in the soul. All earthly possessions fall away. Memories and life lessons remain in tact in the soul. In fact, they expound. All that we were to others, all that we loved and lived for is measured and put into place. It is there in our souls as we are birthed to the next life.
It is said that loved ones already gone will come for us when we are dying. It is said that angels help us labor to leave. It is said that peace is in the room when angels watch.
The body can by ugly as it gives up and lets the soul leave, like a dark colorless cocoon. A soul discerns in those moments what can go and what can stay. We practice the art of living without breathing. And then, and then! When we are ready, when we know the time, the moment that was chosen for us to come, we let go and leap for God!
This is magic to me! This incredible process! This dying that is actually, in my eyes, the moment of greatest joy! It is that moment that we weigh and travel afar, whole and complete, from a life of learning on this earth.
You and I (and my friend) may remember moments of ugliness as we saw death in the body. But when we consider the full import of this event, how can we not embrace it!
My friend is at that stage where plans (the memorial service, the family gathering to pay tribute, the burial service and the preserving of her mother’s memory) are being laid in place. It is that time when grief cannot occur because, (while our loved one is well in the arms of God) we are cleaning up the mess left by that cocoon.
In all of the emotion that I am equipped to feel, I ache for a dear, loving and well, admired friend. I know that when I see her that radiant smile will grace her face. She will hand me a beverage, take my hand, and walk me into her beautiful garden. She will ask after me, and my family. She will offer this incredible hospitality in spite of herself. And, she will peacefully move the two of us through her garden and tell me about her flowers and shrubs. And, through it all? I will watch her in amazement that she is such a strong and beautiful creature.
Tonight, as the sun sets I remember her mother who was also my friend. I recall the years of friendship with her daughter. I raise my glass to toast the two of them; and I look up to God, knowing that He welcomed her mother and surrounds this daughter with His angels of mercy. To me, to you, I offer her as an example of extreme grace and integrity.
May we all find God power and courage, as we care for family and let them fly to our Creator.
Best… Carolyn Thomas Temple